Lessons of Bart Simpson

Forwarded many times, not sure who the originator is.
>>*For those of you who don't watch the Simpsons religiously, part of the
>>*opening credits shows Bart Simpson writing the same sentence over
>>*and over again on a chalkboard--remininscent of the whole "write it
>>*100 times" punishment, which establishes him as a troublemaker. Each
>>*episode (when they use this version of the credits-the Simpsons are
>>*famous for changing opening and closing credits mid-season) is usually
>>*different.  Someone apparently went through the trouble of taping all
>>*the Simpsons, watching them all and writing down what Bart is writing on
>>*the board.
>>*
>>*These are the collected writings of the Simpsons from the chalkboard
>>*exercises that Bart writes during the opening credits (they're pretty
>>*funny):
>>
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not carve gods.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not spank others.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not aim for the head.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not barf unless I'm sick
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
>>*> > >>>>>     I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not conduct my own fire drills.
>>*> > >>>>>     Funny noises are not funny.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not snap bras.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not fake seizures.
>>*> > >>>>>     This punishment is not boring and pointless.
>>*> > >>>>>     My name is not Dr. Death.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not defame New Orleans.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not prescribe medication.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not bury the new kid.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not teach others to fly.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not bring sheep to class.
>>*> > >>>>>     A burp is not an answer.
>>*> > >>>>>     Teacher is not a leper.
>>*> > >>>>>     Coffee is not for kids.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not eat things for money.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
>>*> > >>>>>     The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not call the principal "spud head".
>>*> > >>>>>     Goldfish don't bounce.
>>*> > >>>>>     Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
>>*> > >>>>>     No one is interested in my underpants.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not sell miracle cures.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will return the seeing-eye dog.
>>*> > >>>>>     I do not have diplomatic immunity.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will never win an Emmy.
>>*> > >>>>>     The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
>>*> > >>>>>     All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
>>*> > >>>>>     I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
>>*> > >>>>>     My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
>>*> > >>>>>     I am not deliciously saucy.
>>*> > >>>>>     Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
>>*> > >>>>>     The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
>>*> > >>>>>     There are plenty of businesses like show business.
>>*> > >>>>>     Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not waste chalk.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not skateboard in the halls.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not instigate revolution.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not draw naked ladies in class.
>>*> > >>>>>     I did not see Elvis.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
>>*> > >>>>>     Garlic gum is not funny.
>>*> > >>>>>     They are laughing at me, not with me.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not encourage others to fly.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not fake my way through life.
>>*> > >>>>>     Tar is not a plaything.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not Xerox my butt.
>>*> > >>>>>     It's potato, not potatoe.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not trade pants with others.
>>*> > >>>>>     I am not a 32 year old woman.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not do that thing with my tongue.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not drive the principal's car.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not sell school property.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not burp in class.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not cut corners.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not get very far with this attitude.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not belch the National Anthem.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not sell land in Florida.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not grease the monkey bars.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not do anything bad ever again.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not show off.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not sleep through my education.
>>*> > >>>>>     I am not a dentist.
>>*> > >>>>>     Spitwads are not free speech.
>>*> > >>>>>     Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
>>*> > >>>>>     High explosives and school don't mix.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not squeak chalk.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will finish what I sta
>>*> > >>>>>     "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
>>*> > >>>>>     Underwear should be worn on the inside.
>>*> > >>>>>     The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
>>*> > >>>>>     I will not torment the emotionally frail.